Posts
I haven't posted on here in a while and it's mostly because I don't know what to say. IUI #3 didn't work, so I started the Femara again and here I go battling against being a chubb. I am plump. I am tired. I hurt. I'm so tired of all of this.
IUI #4 took place on Sunday. God bless my doctor's partner and one of the nurses for coming in on a Sunday to help me. I sure hope it's worth it all and pays off. Unfortunately, the Hubs was not able to go with me - I did it alone. It seemed to hurt worse this time - perhaps it wasn't my "lady parts" that were hurting and more just my being upset with the whole process again and doing it alone...knowing this is our last chance until the next step. Who knows what that next step is or when it will be since the "new" doctor may not be able to see us until the Fall.
I've upped my workouts, have been really watching what I eat, but nothing seems to help. I'm about 10 pounds heavier than I was at the beginning of the year and for someone only 5 foot tall, that's a lot. I hate that I'm upset about my weight and how I look. I should do whatever it takes to have a baby. I realize this. But it's so hard to be willing to continually sacrifice not only your appearance and your body, but your mind and your emotions - and sometimes your relationship - for something that you don't know will ever even happen.
I still have to believe that it's all going to be worth it. And I'm hoping that day when I'll look back on all we've been through and realize it's worth it will be soon. But I've been thinking that for about two years now with no luck.
This is no fun...if it doesn't work this month, I am most definitely ready for a break.
