Now what?

On Tuesday, I met with my regular doctor as a follow up to my unsuccessful fourth round of IUI.  I had an appointment scheduled with a new RE for October, so I was a bit upset that it was going to be so long for that, but I really wanted there to be some other step or test that we could have to look forward to instead of waiting until October for what would probably be IVF - a process of which I happen to be terrified of.  More on that later.

So, I arrived to my appointment armed with a list of tests that I wanted to have done - tests to check my clotting factors, to check for a very rare condition of Natural Killer Cells, and a few other things.  Fortunately or unfortunately (depending upon how you or I look at it), I've had all of those tests already done (and even a few more that test for even more rare conditions) and everything came back normal.  I had not realized that my doctor had already ordered these tests before with the numerous blood tests, etc. that I've already had done.  Why wouldn't he have?  I should have known this...he's that awesome.

After discussing the fact that my regular doctor has already done everything he can do for us, I told him that we didn't have an appointment with the new RE until October, to which he replied that October was way too far away.  So, he quickly had one of his nurses contact another doctor who made us an appointment for May 9th.  I was amazed!  I could not believe this was happening so quickly and was grateful that they were so nice to get me in so quickly (again, thanks to my wonderful doctor). 

I'll admit that at first, I was very sad that there was nothing else my doctor could do.  I felt totally deflated.  I guess I thought there was another step between him and a new doctor and IVF and I just wasn't ready for that.  Perhaps it is because I don't know enough about IVF and I don't even know where to begin in the research.  Unfortunately, there is so much information on the internet that I get overwhelmed when I type "IVF" into that little search box, so I end up closing out the page and just trying to forget about it.  I suppose my reaction to being informed that my doctor was at the end of his abilities was so easy to read because he quickly hugged me and promised me that it would happen for us and that I could not give up.  He's amazingly wonderful to say that, but I had a moment where I thought, "Yeah, right."  I mean, what else is he supposed to say, right?

After a bit of time (and again, finding out about my new appointment on May 9th!), I started to feel a little more positive about the possibilities and, dare I say it, maybe even a little excited for what is to come.  I happen to love being off the fertility meds this month and love feeling like I have my body and the control over it back again, but I suppose I'll give that up in a few months for another shot at holding a baby of our very own in my arms.  Honestly, what wouldn't I give up for that?  Um...nothing really.