Where have I been?

I must apologize for my long absence.  I should be eagerly anticipating each opportunity to update this blog, but I haven't.  There is so much to tell...so much to say...but yet I'm so tired that I cannot find the time in the day to write down what I'm feeling and thinking. 

Since I last posted, our little baby gave us a scare.  On the 17th, I started spotting - something I absolutely dreaded after experiencing this once before with our miscarriage.  Of course I was sent directly to the doctor.  But the whole drive, I thought about whether I felt that this was the end or whether I felt that this baby was here to stay.  I honestly felt that this was just a small hiccup and that all would be okay.

The doctor checked me out first, said all seemed to be okay and sent me over for the ultrasound.  Right away, I knew I should be looking for a little flash to indicate a heartbeat.  And since we were seeing a "wide shot" there was  no flash - but of course I didn't realize this and just absolutely freaked out.  Finally, the technician zoomed in to our little bundle and there it was.  The most beautiful, amazing thing I've ever seen - our baby's heartbeat!!!  It was amazing and we of course were brought to tears and so overjoyed.  I was so excited to see our baby and how great he or she was doing that when we were informed that there was in fact only one baby and no twins, I thought, "Oh, I didn't even worry about that." 

We were told that all looks great with the baby, we weren't quite as far along as we thought, so the due date was moved back from December 27 to January 6.  Heartrate was 130 beats per minute and everything was perfect.  The bleeding was coming from a small pocket of blood right above my cervix that was no concern at all.  I was just informed to keep from any serious physical activity - so no yoga or power walking - but that everything else should be fine.  I cannot explain how absolutely relieved we were.  Seeing our baby was the most incredible thing I've had happen in my life so far...so of course, I must share our picture:

Since the ultrasound, I've noticed that I'm extremely tired, but unable to sleep well - waking up several times throughout the night and not able to sleep past 6 a.m. no matter what.  I'm having a bit of evening sickness, a few nights worse than the rest, but nothing too horrible.  I'm not complaining. I'm dying to start exercising again, but I know it's all worth it and it's the right thing to wait until we see the doctor again before even trying.  But boy do I miss yoga...it's so calming!

Our family and a few friends now know our news - which makes it even more exciting if that is even possible.  I'll share more on how we shared the news later.  Needless to say, everyone is ecstatic and cannot wait to meet our little baby.  And neither can we.  This is like the best dream I could ever have and I'm so glad I haven't woken up yet.  Truly a dream come true...

Wow - I'm pregnant...

I'm pregnant.  I'm pregnant.  I'M PREGNANT!!!

I still can't believe it.  We've known for a week and a half, just told my best friend yesterday, and am still trying to make myself believe this may actually be for real.

We took a break from all of the meds and procedures this month while we waited for our appointment with our new RE.  I told myself it wasn't going to happen on it's own and had finally accepted the fact that IVF might be our only hope - even though I was still terrified of it.  And my period was a little late, and I had tested negative, so just figured my body was messed up for being on it's "own" this month.  But then I took one more test just before I called my doctor and got a BFP.  I couldn't believe it, so I took another.  And it said the same thing.

That night, I gave the Hubs an envelope with the tests in there - and he was speechless.  I still think he didn't believe it.  We were awaiting the HCG test results to confirm it and he knew that from the last miscarriage, even that first number didn't mean that the baby was here to stay.  So of course he's cautious to be too celebratory.  The next morning, I took one of the digital tests which of course read "Pregnant" and for some reason, this made him believe it more.  I have to agree...there's something about seeing that word instead of two little lines that helps make it seem real.

Today is Mother's Day and I would love to tell our mothers today, but as of now, the Hubs wants to wait.  We find out the results from our third HCG test tomorrow and then may do an ultrasound sometime this week depending upon where the levels are (I think they have to be at 1,000 for anything to show on screen).  Just really hoping that the levels are high enough tomorrow that we can get the ultrasound soon so this can feel more real.  Then, the little guy or gal just needs to hang on until Christmas or so (Christmas, did I say we would be having ourselves a Christmas baby?). 

To make things even better, I also found out that one of my good friends who has been struggling with IF is pregnant after her third IVF round and is also due at Christmas. It killed me not to tell her we were going to be going through our pregnancies together...

Fingers crossed for lots and lots of sticky baby dust and 9 more months of a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end.  I'm still in shock, but really hoping to believe this is OUR baby.  He or she is finally ready to make us parents - and that is the most wonderful gift in the world.