Guilt

Sometimes, I feel guilty that I'm so focused on trying to get pregnant that I don't think about the baby that we had.  I'll admit that there are definitely times where I'm more upset about the miscarriage and other times that I'm more upset with the fact that we can't get pregnant, but I know that I will always think about that baby that could have been and wonder what he or she would have been like, how our lives would be different and of course, I'll always wonder what went wrong to take him or her away from us.

Life isn't fair.  It doesn't make sense and there are things that happen that we will possibly never understand the reason for.  But is it too much to ask that there be a little break in all of the hard stuff every now and then...just to give us a chance to reach the surface and catch our breath?

Someday, I hope to look back on all of this and feel at peace and happy with where I am in my life.  I hope this resentment and bitterness that has become a part of my personality will go away.  And I hope that day isn't too far away.